


apogee

by lethean



Series: orbit [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fix-It, Kinda, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Post-Season/Series 08
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-18 16:56:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16998924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lethean/pseuds/lethean
Summary: Keith had never wanted anyone or anything as much as he wanted Shiro. And if he had to want Shiro from the other side of the galaxy, then so be it. But he would never force his feelings on Shiro.“Keith,” Shiro said, and Keith didn’t know what to do.His mouth was dry like the desert, sand coating his throat and tongue, and all of his thoughts crumbled to pieces. Keith had used up all his words long ago. He had none left.Keith has traveled galaxies to escape from his feelings. Shiro won't let him run away any longer.





	apogee

Pale gray light filtered through the ruined upper floor of the building, illuminating the room just enough for Keith to see where he was going, but not enough to chase away the shadows. The scent of dust and ash and—worse, much worse—forced its way into his nostrils and down his throat, and he coughed. 

The room was empty. The entire building was probably empty, too. Filled with memories, but nothing more. 

It was far enough from where the other Blades were working that Keith couldn’t hear them, their voices silenced. Keith might as well have been alone on the planet. The Blades had arrived barely two days before, and what few survivors there were had been found already. They combed through the wreckage with little hope to find more. 

Keith pushed on, rubble crunching beneath his shoes with each step. The thought of looking down and finding crushed bones no longer terrified him quite as much. The first time he’d barely held himself together.

That all too familiar heaviness sank down around Keith’s shoulders again. It was one he hadn’t been able to shake in months, maybe even years. No amount of sleep or rest could lift it. Maybe it would haunt him for the rest of his life. 

He reached the back of the building, and found it empty, as he had expected. The ceiling had caved in, and some of the roof, too, and littered the shadowed floor like gravestones. A sliver of light made its way down from above, dappling across the ground and Keith’s hand, when he held it up. The light caught in a handful of dust particles, sending them dancing through the air like glitter. 

Keith took a deep breath. No bodies. That was more than he could have expected. Sometimes finding nothing was the best you could hope for. 

Keith turned to head back again, and froze in his track.

A figure loomed in the dark doorway, so still Keith thought for a moment it was a statue cut from marble. But it hadn’t been there before, and Keith—Keith would know that man anywhere.

“Shiro,” he breathed, scarcely believing it, before a stab of guilt shot through him.

Keith hadn’t seen Shiro in almost a year, and that had been for barely ten minutes. But here he stood, right in front of him. It was like a dream. No, it had to  _ be  _ a dream.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, when Shiro still hadn’t spoken.

“Kolivan told me where you were,” Shiro said.

The timbre of Shiro’s voice sent a shiver up Keith’s spine. It took him a moment to realize Shiro hadn’t answered his question. 

A little light caressed the planes of Shiro’s face, the rest cast in darkness, and he really did look more like a marble statue than a human. His eyes were shadowed, though Keith could recall their exact shade of gray like he could still feel the remnants of Black’s connection in the back of his mind. Impressions that could never be erased, and that Keith would cling to for the rest of his life.

The guilt was nothing compared to the heartbreak of seeing Shiro standing right there, knowing he had given all of himself to someone else. 

“How are you?” Keith asked, when the silence had stretched for minutes.

“Fine.” Shiro’s tone was clipped.

“And your husband—”

“Don’t ask about him,” Shiro said. “Not you.”

Keith looked away, down, couldn’t keep his eyes on Shiro without showing clearly how his eyes burned. Of course, Keith had been avoiding Shiro for a long time. It hadn’t started a year ago, but long before that. For a few moments, Keith had thought—hoped—that there could be something between them. But Shiro had always deserved more, and Keith couldn’t be _more_. He couldn’t keep track of what he already was.  

They stayed in that stalemate for longer than was comfortable, if a stalemate could ever be called comfortable. Keith fought against the part of himself that desperately needed to look up, to meet Shiro’s eyes and  _ explain, _ though he didn’t know what he wanted to explain. 

Shiro had never needed Keith the way Keith needed Shiro. And Keith couldn’t be selfish forever. Staying by Shiro’s side, forcing his own company on Shiro … he’d never asked for it. 

During the last few months of the war against Honerva, Shiro had been so distant. Keith almost couldn’t remember the time when Shiro would search him out so they could spend time together, just the two of them. 

Keith had never wanted anyone or anything as much as he wanted Shiro. And if he had to want Shiro from the other side of the galaxy, then so be it. But he would never force his feelings on Shiro.

“Keith,” Shiro said, and Keith didn’t know what to do.

His mouth was dry like the desert, sand coating his throat and tongue, and all of his thoughts crumbled to pieces. Keith had used up all his words long ago. He had none left.

“Keith,” Shiro repeated.

Keith hadn’t raised his gaze for even a moment, but he could feel the warmth that Shiro brought with him as he came closer. Could feel his presence, like the heat of the sun on a hot day.

“Please look at me,” Shiro whispered.

Keith was shaking his head before he knew what he was doing.

“Do you hate me that much?”

“What? No!” Keith said, head snapping up, and he only realized his mistake when his eyes locked with Shiro’s and he was lost.

He looked the same, mostly. There were a few lines at the corners of his eyes, and his brow was furrowed, but he was Shiro, still, and the breath caught in Keith’s throat. He licked his lips in a futile attempt to stall for time, and Shiro broke eye-contact for a moment to track the movement, which did something to Keith’s heart he could not begin to explain. 

“What are you doing here?” Keith asked, swallowed, not sure he could bear the answer to the question.

“I could ask you the same thing.”

Keith frowned. That made no sense.

“Does the Coalition need me for something? Did something happen?”

“Keith …” Shiro said and sighed. 

He rubbed at the bridge of his nose, as if he was annoyed. The stillness that surrounded them felt so empty Keith wished he hadn’t wandered so far away. He would do anything for some ambient noise to break the silence.   

“I came here to talk to you,” Shiro said finally. “But if you want me to leave, I will.”

Shiro turned to leave and panic took over Keith entirely. He grabbed Shiro’s wrist.

“You don’t have to leave.”

Keith’s fingers wrapped all the way around his wrist, and he felt a sliver of warm skin and a faint, raised scar against his palm. He let go.

“Then why did you leave me?”

“What?”

“Why did you leave me behind?” Shiro asked and sounded so sad Keith could feel his heart shattering. 

Keith wanted to protest. He hadn’t left Shiro behind. 

But he had. Of course he had.

“You didn’t ask me to stay,” Keith thought, except the words escaped his mouth, too. 

“You didn’t give me the chance, Keith,” Shiro said and came even closer. “Once second you told me you were going to leave with the Blades and the next you were gone.”

“I’m sorry.” 

“I don’t want you to apologize. That’s not—” Shiro broke off and sighed again. “That’s not what I meant.”

Keith wanted … he didn’t know what he wanted. But Shiro was sad, and if he could do something, anything, to help then he would. 

He hadn’t realized how much he missed Shiro until he was right in front of him again. He should have stayed. He should have stayed, if he’d hurt Shiro by leaving. 

A beam of soft light made its way across one side of Shiro’s face, highlighting each sign of exhaustion that marked his skin. 

“Is everything okay?” Keith asked, wondering if something had happened between Shiro and his husband. 

“Keith, will you  _ stop  _ asking that?” Shiro snapped. “You always ask if I’m okay and I can’t—how can you ask me that?”

Shiro covered his eyes with his hand and bowed his head. Keith didn’t know what was happening until he saw Shiro’s shoulders tremble, just a little. 

He was crying.

Keith had never seen Shiro cry before. The guilt that had filled his stomach turned to dread. He had no protocols for crying, least of all a crying Shiro. He stepped closer, hands raised for some unknown purpose, but Shiro didn’t give him time to figure it out, instead wrapped his arms around him and pulled him in tightly.

Oh. Right. A hug. 

Shiro pressed his face against Keith’s shoulder, and he was shaking like a dry leaf in the wind. No tears could penetrate the Blade uniform, but each muffled sob sent sharp projectiles through what was left of his shattered heart.

The sunlight traced patterns on the wall and over the rubble, and Keith tracked their changes as the sun moved across the sky outside and eventually far enough below the buildings that darkness descended upon them.  

“Don’t leave like that again,” Shiro muttered into his shoulder.

“Okay,” Keith promised, and knew he would do everything in his power to keep to his word. 

Shiro sniffled once more and pulled away, cheeks flushed pink like he was embarrassed. He didn’t look at Keith, and cleared his throat, but didn’t seem to find anything to say.

“What did you come here to talk to me about?” Keith asked, and Shiro raised his head a little, eyes fastening somewhere around his nose.

“I don’t know,” Shiro said, and it sounded like a confession. “I just wanted to see you. God, Keith, I just wanted to  _ see  _ you. It feels like I haven’t seen you in years.”

“Sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too. I come here completely unexpected and bother you … that wasn’t my intention.”

There was something in Keith’s stomach, something warm and almost pleasant, but riddled with unease, like it could be ripped away at any second. Though he had conquered his own impatience and temper, at least for the most part, he had never mastered his own emotions. This one was foreign, entirely unfamiliar, and he didn’t know how it would evolve.

Shiro wasn’t okay. He couldn’t be. But he obviously didn’t want Keith to ask again, and Keith itched with the desire to know. To know why Shiro had come all the way to another galaxy just for him. 

“I thought,” Shiro said, breaking the silence again, “that I wouldn’t lose you, ever. I took you for granted. And then you were gone and I—I didn’t know what to do. I’d gotten so used to having you by my side.”

Keith swallowed down the questions that threatened to spill out, and held his breath for what came next.

“With the war and everything … I thought it could wait. I didn’t know what to tell you, so I didn’t tell you anything at all and that was a mistake. The worst mistake I’ve ever made”

“Tell me what?” Keith asked.

“You told me, when you fought my clone,” Shiro said. “You told me you loved me. I kept thinking that maybe you meant it the way I wanted you to mean it. But the war … how could I talk to you about something like that?”

Shiro let out a shuddering breath, sending warm air wafting across Keith’s skin.

“I was wrong. I should have told you.” 

Shiro placed his hand on Keith’s cheek, gray eyes almost black in the dark. 

“I love you, Keith.”

Every thought in Keith’s mind vanished. Oh.  _ Oh.  _

He swallowed thickly.

“I understand if you don’t feel the same way anymore,” Shiro said, almost sheepishly. “Or if you never meant it that way at all. But I—”

“You never said.”

Shiro blinked.

“You can’t love me,” Keith said, brain still blank, and it felt like he was far away, watching himself speak from somewhere else. “You’re married.”

“Not … not anymore.”

“What?”

“It didn’t work. I tried to replace you, and it didn’t work.”

“What do you mean, Shiro? I don’t—” Keith’s eyes burned so much his vision was turning blurry. 

It was too much. Keith’s love was unreciprocated. It had to be. Once upon a time, Shiro had saved his life and given him everything, and Keith loved him desperately for that and for every other part that made up Shiro’s whole. But it was a one-sided love, and that was how it would always remain.

“I never wanted anyone else. I wanted you. I want you, Keith.” Shiro sounded lost. Sad.

His hand was still warm against Keith’s cheek. 

“You didn’t ask me to stay.”

“I wish I had.”

“You never told me any of this.”

“No, but I should have.”

“How could you love me?” Keith asked. “I don’t deserve you.”

Shiro’s other hand pressed against Keith’s other cheek and tilted his head up, eyes dark and stormy.

“Keith. That’s not true. If anything, I don’t deserve you. You’re the best man I have ever met.”

Keith’s heart was lodged in his throat and he couldn’t speak. He bent his head forward until he could press his forehead against Shiro’s chest. Shiro gently put his metal hand on Keith’s back, and the other at the back of his head, and stood still. 

“I left you,” he murmured, words muffled.

“It’s okay, Keith.”

“I couldn’t do it, Shiro. I couldn’t watch you move on. I’m sorry.”

“Hey,” Shiro said, fingers gently tugging on Keith’s braid. “As if I could ever move on from you.”

“I love you, too, Shiro,” he pressed out past the tears lodged in his throat.

Shiro pulled Keith tighter against him, as if shielding him from the world around them. He wondered if Shiro had dreamed of hearing that as often, as desperately, as Keith had dreamed of hearing it from Shiro. Wondered if he had spent nights staring up at the ceiling, the scene repeating over and over in his head until he felt sick.

Exhaustion still hung around Keith’s shoulders, weighing him down, but it felt a little easier to hold it now. That warm, pleasant feeling had spread from his stomach, traveled through his bloodstream around his body. The crumbling building still rose around them, a remnant of someone’s past, and of all places Keith could have imagined reuniting with Shiro in, this had not been one of them. But it was empty of bodies and of ghosts, there was nothing there but broken stone waiting to be rebuilt. Perhaps it was fitting.

Keith stepped back, tried to pull his feelings together and smile.

“When are you going back?” he asked, meaning to suggest that he could go with him.

Shiro blinked. “I’m not leaving you. And I won’t ask you to leave the Blades. I let you out of my sight once, and I never will again.”

He cupped Keith’s cheek, eyes warm even in the dark.

“I’ll stay here. With you”

**Author's Note:**

> so ... how do we feel about those last few minutes of season 8?  
> I haven't done any proof reading on this, so if there are any mistakes, please tell me! I wrote most of it last night but didn't have time to post it. Say hi on [twitter!](https://twitter.com/delethean)


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